out on the scene |
The music, the lights, the buzz. It hits me straight in the face as I walk into the club and across to the bar. WOW, I'm in a gay club. Shit! For some reason I can almost taste the sex in the place, although I reckon most of that is the absolute anticipation raging inside of me. "Vodka and coke please. Double." I scour whatever of the club I can see just in case I see someone I know while I wait for the guy behind the bar to serve me my drink. I can easily duck behind the other people there and make a quick exit. God, I've got it worked out and all my options covered. Shit! Are you a sad, insecure bastard or what? Who the hell cares? Get a grip! My stomach's doing cartwheels inside me, but I'm going to try to be fucking cool, whatever happens. I'd been drinking for most of the night already with mates in a straight bar (the usual Friday night gathering of guys and girls out for Friday night), so I'd had enough lager for one night and was already well on the way, but I really needed to carry on drinking partly to just cope with the nerves I was feeling, having eventually got the bollocks to actually come in here, so I order what I knew I can keep drinking without collapsing. I'm positive that I'll bump into someone I know. Someone from work or a girlfriend of one of the guys from the rugby club, out with her mates and cool about going to a gay club. I'm actually shaking but, from what I could see, the place was just packed out with loads of people just enjoying themselves. "£4.50 mate" The guy behind the bar pushes a little plastic glass across the bar to me. Is that £4.50?! I looked back, give him a tenner and smile my thanks. Another guy behind the bar walks behind his mate, glances at me and smiles. GOD, he's cute. Early twenties, slim, short dark hair and dark, brown eyes, wearing jeans, trainers and a fairly tight, light blue T-shirt with dark blue edging on the sleeves. He looked SO cute! He carries on and disappears into the back without looking back. But that smile! I look away shyly and, grabbing my drink, walk away from the bar. 'What the fuck?' 'I'm 29 and I've just been embarrassed by some young guy who just smiled at me. What's that all about?' I walk further on into the club and lean against a pillar while I try to look as though I'm used to being there. I can't help feel really excited as I watch everyone but I also feel strange - like a teenager out of his depth. Everyone's enjoying themselves, chatting, laughing, just getting on with being out. All so confident. And there was me. First time in a gay club. Absolutely petrified but also incredibly turned on by the thought (cos let's face it, that's all it was at that stage!) of what the night might turn up. I decide I needed the toilet, so wander round the corner and through the doors leading to the corridor where the toilets were. As I push open the toilet door, I'm hit by a strong, pungent, almost sweaty-sock type, chemical smell. What the fuck is that? There's no-one in there but one of the toilet doors is closed. I immediately imagine two guys, hands all over each other's bodies, cocks hard as truncheons as they lock lips and shove tongues down each other's throats. My head starts to spin slightly but at the same time this amazing rush starts spreading through my body and I feel a wash of euphoria sweep over me. I start smiling and feel my cock swell inside my jeans. What's going on here? I notice a small brown bottle perched on the shelf above the toilet as I undo the buttons and start to piss. Of course! Fucking poppers! They'd actually left a bottle open in the toilet to get guys in the mood. I kind of think "cool" at the same time as being a little thrown by it. You certainly didn't get this in the bar I was in earlier! By now, I was actually lightening up and of course, feeling incredibly horny, but I was still really unsure of what to do. I was trying to suss out the score, see what people did so I could get a sense of how things worked around here, but all the time feeling like some schoolboy who's stumbled in on some forbidden activity and who at any time would be discovered and shamed in front of all his friends. The toilet door opens and some old guy of about fifty stumbles out and, as he fumbles, trying to do up his flies, lears at me with eyes that look as though they couldn't even focus on what he's trying to do, let alone on who he could see. I turn away, hoping like hell that he wouldn't try and talk to me. It can't be like this, surely! I hear him disappear behind me and, looking around, finish pissing and started buttoning up my jeans. The door opens again and a guy walks in and steps up to the urinal next to me. Kind of nice too, although not someone I'd automatically found attractive. "heya mate. How's it going? Pretty busy in here tonight here huh?" "uhhm, yeh, I guess so" " oh well, have a cool time. See ya in there" I turn around, kinda half smile and walk back out of the door into the club I still didn't quite get this. He was nice. No pushiness, no leariness. Just chatty. The other guy was like a fucking pig on heat. Which *was* this place? Or was it both? Oh, fuck it, you're in here now. Enjoy it. There's some good looking guys in here. You know all you really want is to meet one of them and have that night you've been wanking over for years now. Just get back in there and have some fun! |
First Night Nerves - Part 2 |
